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Breaking Free from the Validation Trap: Embrace Your Inner Worth

In our fast-paced and interconnected world, seeking validation from others has become an overwhelming and ever-present struggle and this is true for many of my clients as well as myself. The desire for approval and recognition can seep into every aspect of our lives, leading to a never-ending pursuit of external validation. To feel like we matter and am significant to others can leave some of us shattered in the process. However, the key to true happiness and self-empowerment lies in breaking free from this validation trap and learning to embrace our inner worth that God so freely gives us. In this blog post, we will explore practical steps to stop seeking validation from others and foster a strong sense of self-validation.


"He made you in his image and delights in you."
– Genesis 1:27 ; Zephaniah 3:17


1. Recognize the Root of the Problem

To overcome the constant need for validation, it is crucial to understand the root causes driving this behavior. Often, a lack of self-confidence or unresolved emotional issues may lead us to seek external reassurance. Reflect on your past experiences and patterns to identify the underlying reasons for this behavior. These will often be found in our childhood experiences. Awareness is the first step in making positive changes but tread gently especially if this takes you to painful memories. Detach from being pulled completely into the memory but try to look at it from a bird's eye perspective.


2. Cultivate Self-Awareness

Start paying attention to your thoughts and feelings when you find yourself seeking validation. Observe the situations, people, or activities that trigger this behavior. Understanding these triggers will help you develop self-awareness and gradually gain control over your responses. I used to get triggered by anything to do with 'coupleness' and feel invisible, lonely, and rejected and seek validation in less than healthy ways.


3. Embrace Imperfections

Remember that no one is perfect. So many of us think we should be. Embrace your flaws and imperfections as they are what make you unique. Instead of focusing on perceived inadequacies, shift your mindset towards self-acceptance and self-compassion and self-growth. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a dear friend.


4. Identify Your Values

Understanding your core values is essential in building a strong foundation of self-validation and I that is the reason I take every client through this activity at the beginning of our coaching journey together. Define what matters most to you and make decisions in alignment with those values. When your actions are congruent with your values, you'll feel a sense of fulfillment that doesn't depend on others' approval.


5. Limit Social Media Comparisons

Social media can be a breeding ground for validation-seeking behavior. Constantly comparing ourselves to others' highlight reels can lead to feelings of inadequacy. Limit your time on social media and remember that people often present curated versions of their lives, not the full reality.


6. Surround Yourself with Supportive People

Surround yourself with individuals who uplift and support you. We become like who we spend most of our time with. Seek out friends and family who encourage your growth and your potential and appreciate you for who you are and who you are becoming. Positive relationships can help strengthen your self-esteem and reduce the need for external validation.


7. Celebrate Your Achievements

When you achieve something, take the time to acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments, your gifts and strengths. Treat yourself with healthy rewards or personal affirmations, acknowledging that you have the ability to succeed without seeking constant validation. This is also builds momentum to keep going even if it gets tough.


He has given you unique gifts, talents, and strengths.
– Romans 12:6

Breaking free from the validation-seeking cycle is a journey that requires self-compassion, self-awareness, and perseverance. Embrace the fact that you are enough and worthy of love and respect, regardless of external validation. As you prioritize self-validation, you'll find that your self-esteem grows, and you become more authentically connected to your true self, the self that God created you to be. Remember, the power to validate your worth resides within and flows through you.

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