Something I love talking about is Femininity and Masculinity. I love learning about it for me as a woman, for my husband as a man and for us as a couple. I also love learning about it to understand us all a bit better and to understand how we can be better as individuals, couples, families, and community.
Masculinity is FASCINATING to me. Even more fascinating is the way the male clients I have worked with, shy away from this topic. One even telling me, he hates that word. Associating it with muscles and ego and grunts and Utes/Trucks. Everything he feels he is not.
I know there is so much confusion and misunderstanding when it comes to masculinity. I personally like to define masculinity as the deep knowing of who you really are as a man. A real sense of identity for what you stand for and who you fight for and protect. It is about an inner strength and courage. It is about respect and empowerment. It is not about what others want you to be or what the world says you should be but who YOU have specifically and uniquely been designed to be. However, the world has messed this up over the years for men. Emasculating men. Undermining and diminishing the sense of what makes a man a man. Yes, it is a complex issue and far more complicated that I can dive into in a simple blog but one I wish to open up a dialogue for you and the men and actually the women too in your life.
John Eldredge, Author of Wild at Heart, writes, "For many men their souls still hang in the balance because nobody has invited them to be dangerous, to know their own strength, to discover that they have what it takes...a man is wounded not once, but many, many times in his life and ends up falling in the same place: against his strength. Life takes it away one vertebra at a time, until in the end he has no spine at all."
Emasculation is like a weight on a man's shoulders, a feeling that his sense of masculinity is being chipped away or dismissed. It happens when societal norms, relationship dynamics, or personal experiences make him question his traditional male roles and characteristics. It's a complex experience, impacting self-esteem and self-worth, often tied to societal pressures dictating what's considered "acceptable" in terms of being a man. Picture it as a struggle to hold onto one's sense of identity in the face of expectations that might not align with who he truly is.
I won't go deep into these reasons in the above paragraph about why a man can lose his sense of masculinity, but culture, expectations of self and expectations from others, relationships, media and lack of role models, work challenges are things I would encourage you to look into if this topic is speaking to your heart right now with a supportive person, a coach or counsellor.
I know this is some heavy stuff. If you are a woman reading this, I encourage you to nurture your man, honor him, empower him. Many of us woman fall into the trap of mothering our husbands which emasculates him further. Nobody is to blame. But knowledge is power so now that we know, EMPOWER him. ENOCOURAGE him. Most men love words of affirmation. I have added a PDF of text messages as a guide that you may like to send to your man to show him how much your love and respect him. He wants to know he is appreciated and valued by you so tell him.
Men! As a Life Coach (who is a woman),
I won't pretend to know what this is like and will speak simply from experience working with many male clients over the last 8 years and nearly all of them experiencing a loss of their masculine identity in some way or another. It is time to renew your power and strength!!!
First things first, take a moment for some self-reflection. Release all of that pressure, both internal and external! Breathe! Now think about what being a man means to you personally. Separate that from all the societal noise and expectations, and really dig into your own values and strengths. There's a whole spectrum of ways to express masculinity, and it's okay to define it in a way that resonates with you.
Next, know that emotional intelligence is a superpower. Embrace your feelings; vulnerability doesn't make you any less of a man. Share those emotions with friends or family you trust—it's a sign of strength. Just share from a powerful place not a victim space.
Success is another area to redefine. It's not just about climbing the corporate ladder; being the biggest guy at the gym, having the latest Ford Ranger, it's about finding your own path and defining success on your terms. Set yourself up to succeed as I always say. Be proud of your unique journey. Remember what you have overcome so far!
Learn to lead well. Whether it is simply leading yourself for now or your family or a team, take responsibility, make decisions (yes making the tough calls), and have integrity. Picture yourself as the captain of your ship, navigating with purpose, leading with honor, and inspiring positive change to those around you. Invest in your growth, personally and professionally and be accountable to your commitments.
Celebrate your individuality. You're one of a kind, and that's something to embrace. Keep learning, growing, and taking on new challenges—it's a fantastic way to build confidence. Do things that scare you. Go on adventures that suit you and your personality. Take risks. Be courageous.
Spend time with men who inspire you. Find a trustworthy, male friend who has a few extra years on you and can share his own wisdom and experiences with you and meet with him regularly. We all need positive role models no matter how old we are.
Then pass it on. Share your own experiences and learning with younger men, with your sons and daughters too. Your tales of triumph over life's challenges are a message that inspires others. Gather round the virtual campfire or a real one and let the storytelling begin. The more we share, the more the world transforms and heals into a better place for the next generations to come.
Men, may your adventure be bold, and your path be true.
You are so important and valuable! The world needs you! Your family needs you! We all need you!
