As many of you know, my kids leaving to their dads for the week brings me to my knees on a Sunday evening. I sink. I walk around like a zombie. I feel empty. I feel lost. I feel alone. And I put myself through this every fortnight. Ain't that crazy for four years...every two weeks my body, mind and soul drops a hundred degrees and dives into what could be labelled as depression. So that is 26 times a year. Over one hundred times in the last four years. And totally would be classified as depression on some of those occasions. I say that because it sometimes went for days and weeks. It sometimes felt like a deep dark stuck-ness. Like a feeling of emptiness where nobody will meet me in there.
But now it is not depression. It is more like a drop down a steep slide at the park. Or a drop in temperature at 4pm in the winter. Or a feeling of numbness in my legs. But then I go down the slide and stand up at the bottom. I turn on the heat pump once I feel the temperature drop. I jump up and down to shake off the pins and needles. I go into OPERATION STEP UP AGAIN GIRL mode. I self sooth. I self coach. I pray. I clean. I sing. I move. I get organised. And once I get going, there is no stopping me. I don't let myself feel like a victim for long. I don't dance at my pity party for much more than a song.
I blow my nose, wipe my eyes and wash my face. You can too.
It is easy to feel like you are not making progress or that you keep falling back into old ways or that life just keeps knocking you down BUT you have and will rise every single time. No matter how many times you either get knocked down or knock yourself down you can get up. You can show up. This is your life. We are the lead ladies and men in our own our lives as said in the movie The Holiday. We can't wait to be called onto the stage of our lives. We can't wait until we are ready and perfect to live our lives.
You are getting there. It may seem insignificant. Your growth may look slow. You happiness may still seem like a spark rather than a roaring fire. But you are getting there! You are getting stronger! You are bouncing back faster! You are showing up better! You are working harder!
And these challenges won't stop. In fact I predict I will have at least 16 more Sundays this year where my heart drops for a moment or two. And 26 Sundays next year and the year after and another after that. I predict my heart might possibly get broken again. My bank account might decline from time to time. My weight might go up and down. I will lose more people I love. Challenges are guaranteed. Hard times are a given. In my life and in yours! But let's commit to rising bigger, better, faster, stronger every time.