Anxiety is ruining my life!
I need to always be in control of everything!
I feel uneasy about everything!
I feel like I should have it all figured out by yesterday!
I get nervous about everything and I don't even know why!
Some nights I used to just lie in bed replaying the entire day over and over. My heart racing. Asking a million questions. Having a billion doubts and a gazillion ways of how I could have done things differently. I could wonder if anyone actually cared. If I was succeeding or failing. If they liked me or not. Whether I made a difference or not. If I was good enough. Some nights the frustration heightened tenfold as I couldn't fall asleep. All that I could lay with was myself and the dark space within.
Years ago anxiety appeared in the form of rage. I would feel out of control with my health or more often than not my finances and feel so upset with myself that I would go into fits of anger towards myself and end up sitting in the closet until my rage subsided and it turned into tears. I have never shared this with anyone before but I hope that knowing that I too know what this can be like might being you some comfort.
I know for some people anxiety shows up a lot more or less intense than this. For some it is chest pain, sweating, headaches, shortness of breath, nausea and shakiness, the inability to be in social situations, talking fast or being confused and distracted and more.
Sadly it is all very hard to explain to another so you can feel very lonely in the midst of it. Overthinking everything. Being fearful of every worst case scenario coming true. The feeling of complete responsibility of everyone in your life. And the idea that you will do anything to avoid being hurt.
There is another way.
Anxiety hardly comes to visit me these days. In saying that a lot of my clients come visiting because they are struggling with anxiety themselves. Together we create a sense of surrender within to what has been and is unfolding in their life. We bring an acceptance to what is. We pay attention to our thoughts and our triggers. We start to create new thought habits. We are also forgiving when we relapse or bring resistance in to fight against the idea of possibly feeling good. Yes this happens! We create trust about what is coming. Most importantly we tread lightly, we step forward with gentleness and understanding.
It is not an easy journey but transformation never comes out of anything easy.
The road to freedom is achieved by embracing who we truly are!