Once upon a time I was a person who got very anxious waking my baby from his nap to take both him and my toddler to pick up my daughter from kindergarten. It used to stress me out a lot. This is only one example of how I was affected by the state of my mind. I felt I wasn't in control of my situation and my life and how lonely I was and how awful it was to wake a sleeping baby.
I then read a powerful book called 'A New Earth' which started me on my much needed self-development journey. I started learning about the capacity within me to understand my purpose. This deeper purpose of my life at that time which actually was very simple and forgiving and allowed me to become a mother that could relax, worry less and go more with the flow.
I don't think back to the anxiety I had in the past very often. I forget that it was even there. It is not until I really start breaking down things and go back to my starting point that I remember.
What I remember often though was a day that I really proved to myself that I was getting over my past troubles and had the capability to do great things as a mother, as a woman, as a entrepreneur, as a human.
To bring some context to my story and that day, the father of my three children was at the last minute sent to work in the UK for 3-4 months and I was given less than a weeks notice to up our Hamilton lifestyle and take myself and my 2, 5 and 8 year old over to England. Taking this in my stride was a massive turn around for me but not one that has been vividly stuck in my memory. But a particular day I recall more frequently was towards the end of our UK stay and we had a week in London while my then husband worked. I decided that I wanted us to see Buckingham Palace before we left. Little did I know the journey to get there but I breathed through it, got prepared and just damn well did it.
So, me and my little three did the 20 minute walk into White Chapel to the Underground. (Side note my two year decided on this trip to stop using his stroller so we gave it away in the village we had resided in before coming to London. As soon as we got to London, he forgot he had legs and had to be carried everywhere.) Anyway, we caught the tube to The Tower of London where we then walked to catch a ferry along the River Thames. The ferry took us to Westminster where we then walked again to catch a double decker bus near to Buckingham Palace. This was a huge day and my three kids were amazing. But what sticks out for me more than all of this was without even trying we arrived just as the changing of the guard was happening. Something that the rest of the city were there purposefully hoping to witness. I knew that we were being rewarded for just getting the job done. The universe was saying to me, 'See girl, you can do anything!' I realized that if I could navigate a trip involving a train, a ferry and a bus with a lot of walking with three kids in one of the busiest cities in the world and then back again, I could do whatever I set my heart too.
Yes my heart raced a bit.
Yes I recall saying, 'Come on kids!' a lot.
Yes I remember being shattered with sore hips from carrying my son once we were back at the apartment. But it was worth getting outside of my comfort zone one hundred times over. I will never forget this. My children four years on still remember this day. The day we saw Buckingham Palace. For a ordinary family from Hamilton, this was a monumental day. For this human who once could be quite crippled by anxiety, this was a monumental lesson.
Recently someone accused me of being too relaxed with my kids by allowing them to bike around the neighborhood and play without my eyes always watching closely. I wish this person could have known how far I have come before they put that judgement on me. I wish this person could have seen a glimpse of the over thinking mama I used to be before criticizing who I am today.
Thankfully I embrace both who I was and who I am.
Oh how far you have come my darling. Oh how far you have traveled within yourself to become the person you are today.
Please see this in yourself too. No matter your journey, you are not the person you were a few years ago. We are all evolving at our own pace.
Smile at yourself.