I used this statement this week with a group of young women in which one of them was very concerned about what everybody thought of her. This is not unusual. This is very normal (not natural) and very real for many of us everyday of our lives. We do all sorts of things to ensure we are liked by those around us. Even crazy stuff! We bend and break our personalities and even our bodies to meet what we think somebody wants to see in us. We give away our energy, our love, our friendship, our material things, our time, our integrity and sometimes even our bodies to win someone else over. The thought of another human not liking us or backstabbing us almost destroys us and riddles us with stress and worry. So why do we need to achieve this absolutely unrealistic expectation? Why do we expect to go through life and have everyone like us? We can be the most fabulous person on earth and still get haters.
So back to the group...the look on this women's face as I said this to her was complete shock. She couldn't believe I was telling her that other people's opinions were none of her business. So I took it further. I asked it made her happy worrying if others like you? No it didn't! So if this is consuming you and you are doing all you can to make everyone like you and it is not making you happy? Why are you doing it? There is no win for you. Instead everyone else has your power. Everyone else has your energy. We need to release this need. I then shared with the group that as much as I respect the group and wish the group well I will go home tonight and enjoy myself and be happy despite how they all feel about me. Whether they all are annoyed at me or not impressed by me or inspired by me. It will not effect who I am in my life for the rest of my life!
However a few years ago, the opposite unhealthy mindset had me suffering far too long...whether is was with gaining friends or wanting my students in all the classes I taught in over the years to love me as their teacher or family members. I allowed this to rule me and was quietly torturing myself for too many years. It blocked me from being my authentic self. I chopped and changed for each situation to fit what I thought everybody else wanted me to be. BUT TODAY I BE ME IN EVERY MOMENT. I be me with my children, my friends, my parents, my clients as well as strangers. And if anyone chooses that I don't fit their needs, wants or desires, then I am happy to leave that behind. I want people in my tribe who are all showing up as their true selves and who allow me to be me too. When this beautiful fit happens, it is such a wonderful experience where you feel like you belong . You see the love and kindness so strongly in each other. I have a couple of friendships like this and oh it makes my heart dance when I think of these beings. I don't need to worry about these relationships and I don't have to prove anything. The energy I give away, I give away in abundance because I know it is coming from my genuine self and from a healthy space. I am enough exactly as I am for my tribe. And so are you!
It is none of my business what you all think of me. Here I am. This is me. Whole-heartedly. Authentically me. You can do this too. Think of somebody who you are always worrying about what they think of you. It might be a family member or a colleague or boss or a new relationship. Every moment you start to dwell on what they are thinking, stop, breathe and tell yourself it is none of your business and release. Freedom! Now go be you beautiful!