We love to talk about our issues and problems and challenges. Searching for someone who understands us, gets us, knows exactly what we are talking about. Sadly we are often disappointed in this pursuit. People don't quite get it. Don't quite know what to say. Don't quite know what to do. It is not their fault. It is not their problem. It is not their responsibility. They are not on our journey.
But in the end, we just feel unheard, even in some cases unseen.
This is a hard place to be in.
This is a lonely place to be in.
Only you know what you have been through.
Only you understand what you have gone through.
Only you can see things from your perspective.
Only you know where your mind goes and what you think about it all.
So it is VITAL that we have got our own backs. That we take time to console ourselves. That we encourage and support ourselves. That we are kind to ourselves and be our own best friend.
And that we don't give up on others for not meeting our needs. Just be together anyway.
A year ago I made some expectations for myself that by the time I turned forty I would be...
- fitter than ever.
- have a successful business that changes many clients lives and that my kids and I can live off.
- to have met the man of my dreams.
So a couple of months ago, something within me started to sink as I realized how unlikely it was that I would even achieve one of my expectations let alone all three!
The result for me was despair, disappointment and even depression.
It became harder to see any successes in my life and easier to see all the fantastic lives everyone else was living.
I felt like a miserable failure...all because I set ridiculous expectations and created rules that only put pressure on me. So the evidence instead showed weight gain, getting a job to make ends meet and not a man in the universe slightly interested.
Life felt sad and lonely and miserable.
I turned 40 last week and not much has changed but I have had to adjust my rules and expectations to be so much kinder...
I recently experienced the most wonderful feeling in the whole, entire world! A feeling where time stood still. A feeling where I felt formless and completely out of body.
This was the feeling of absolute bliss, happiness, joy! And you know what, I experienced this multiple times a day over a series of days! And better again, nothing huge happened in my life to get into this state. No evidence suddenly showed up of any changes in my physical or material circumstances. But best of all, I have been able to experience this feeling repeatedly whenever I want to since learning this a few weeks ago.
Getting into peak state is not hard. You can do it too! It makes such a difference to your day and your way of being. It creates a powerful impact on the work you do and the decisions you make. How often do we make important choices when we feel not so great or in a lesser state than desired. I always ask my clients to resist the urge to make any big life decisions until they feel good and well aga...
Once upon a time I was a person who got very anxious waking my baby from his nap to take both him and my toddler to pick up my daughter from kindergarten. It used to stress me out a lot. This is only one example of how I was affected by the state of my mind. I felt I wasn't in control of my situation and my life and how lonely I was and how awful it was to wake a sleeping baby.
I then read a powerful book called 'A New Earth' which started me on my much needed self-development journey. I started learning about the capacity within me to understand my purpose. This deeper purpose of my life at that time which actually was very simple and forgiving and allowed me to become a mother that could relax, worry less and go more with the flow.
I don't think back to the anxiety I had in the past very often. I forget that it was even there. It is not until I really start breaking down things and go back to my starting point that I remember.
What I remember often though was a day that I really...
I am likely to cry at life. I am a highly sensitive person which means the tears flow easily. So I used to be ashamed of this about myself and wonder what was wrong with me. I felt everything too much. So I adjusted my life to stop so much feeling getting in. I stopped exposing myself to things that would upset me. But this is hard to avoid at times. But I started to see that I was deviating from the heart of who I was. I tried to be more like the others around me and harden up. And it never worked. In fact it probably got worse.
One of the discoveries I had (through studies, reading, meditation, a gratitude practice, and coaching) was to actually just allow and accept who I was. And to see this as a good thing. I got a taste of how deep my heart was. And then as I grew more into this, nothing else for me will do. So I was getting more in alignment with who I am meant to be. Many of my clients come with frustration at the beginning as they explain a sense of loss of who they are and the...
The unknown and the fear about our future can be debilitating for some of us.
The questions that we have can stop us in our tracks!
- How do I know he is the one?
- What am I passionate about?
- Should I get a mortgage so I can own my own home or rent?
- Should I spend time with these people?
- How do I know how to best raise my kids?
I hear these questions and many others all the time from my clients, my friends and inside my own head. We can ponder or dwell on these subjects for hours to days to months to years. It can be torturous for us the longer it goes on.
This happened to me too. There was a time when I needed to make a huge decision in my life which effected everyone around me. I put so much pressure on myself to know the answer and do the 'right' thing that it felt like I actually had no control over the decision itself. I was placing such importance of everyone else's happiness on this decision and disregarding my own. I started to feel so...
Do you ever wonder what it would be like to be a fly on the wall as you and others go about your day? The things that they must see!
I like to think that as they sit there they are in quiet contemplation about life and their next move. The enormity of what goes on around them would scare the living daylights out of me if our roles were reversed. But the fly continues to go on unfazed. Meditating it seems and allowing things to unfold naturally in front of him. Being an observer of human life.
We can be quite the opposite. We allow life to suck us in, to get drawn into the situation and the details. We live in a world that promotes stress and anxiety and gives us lots of reasons to get into these states. Suffering is an everyday occurrence for many. And joy is sometimes hard to find.
Your reality though is up to you. Your natural human state is joy and peace.
You can be more like the fly on the wall as opposed to the flurry of activity and emotions in the room. Take time each da...
A month ago I had an incredible experience. I did not see it coming at all. How it happened was my mum asked me to join her on her weekly visit to see her sister in a dementia unit at a rest home. I had not been nor seen her since she had been admitted nearly two years ago. I was a little anxious having heard stories about the place from my mum and dad. And yes these stories rang very true as I entered the facility. Yep the place stunk like urine. Yep the residents walked around with dolls in carriers on their chests. Yep they all sat on chairs with not much life in them. It was not an uplifting place to be at all. It really hammered home how vulnerable we all are in this state and so reliant on the goodwill of others to speak up for us and stand up for our human rights.
Anyway we chatted to my aunty who was happy to see us but didn't know who we were. She sang a song perfectly that was playing on the television, note for note, in tune and very joyfully. But then couldn't recall any oth...
Last month it was my 39th birthday. Usually I sit in a place of waiting and seeing what comes to me for my special day. I assume and hope that others will meet my needs the way I would like them too. But I also usually would give out mixed signals as I have an argument with myself. I would love others to make a fuss but I also do not like surprises. But then I don't want to be a burden to others to have to go out of their way but then I feel upset if I am forgotten. Birthdays for many people seem to be a mash up of happy and sad or worrisome feelings. We all would like to feel some significance without the spotlight directly on us. We would like to feel love but not be put in a vulnerable space where we might be let down. It is such an accomplishment that with all this going on we even get out of our beds on our special days.
So this year I took a more direct and refreshing attitude towards the day. Leading up I connected with people I wished to spend time with on the day. And if someo...
After my marriage broke down in 2015, I experienced so many emotions as you would expect. I have already written about the dark days but this post is about my journey through three phases of healing through social media! Yes Facebook!!!
Phase One: DON'T YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I AM SUFFERING??? For the months to follow the separation I would try to distract myself from my issues by scrolling through Facebook. What I saw was heartbreaking for me at the time. Photos of people together celebrating their wedding anniversaries, posts declaring their love to their partner on their birthdays and pics from romantic holidays away together.
I got so upset by this. My thoughts took me to feelings of resentment and hurt and most of all FAILURE. I hated seeing everybody else's relationships in my face. Why was their relationship still in tact and not mine??? I was in a selfish zone where I was in suffering and I allowed myself to be there for a short time. We all have to give ourselves permission to be he...